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The Lovenstein Institute

Wednesday, July 23, 2008
1910 days since George Bush declared
"Mission Accomplished in Iraq"

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It is tough being a Republican in 2008

It is tough being a Republican in 2008.

Somehow you have to believe concurrently that:

  • Jesus loves you, but shares your deep hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
  • A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind without regulation.
  • The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is enforcing U. N. resolutions against Iraq and Iran.
  • "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
  • Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
  • The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
  • A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying about WMD existence to enlist support for an unprovoked, undeclared war and occupation in which thousands of soldiers and hundreds of thousands civilians die, is, somehow, solid "defense" policy in a "War against Terrorism".
  • Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins, unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
  • If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
  • A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, but then demand their cooperation and money.
  • Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
  • HMOs and insurance companies make profits and have the interest of the public at heart.
  • Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
  • Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him and Rumsfeld reassured him he was our buddy. A bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him. But, then a bad guy again when Bush junior needed a prop for his re-election campaign as the "war president".
  • Iran was a good country when Ford and Rumsfeld and Cheney, along with General Electric, gave them our nuclear technology in the 1970's. Good guys when Cheney did business with them in the 1990's. But, then bad guys when Bush junior needed a prop for his re-election campaign as the "war president".
  • Iraq was a good country when Reagan and Rumsfeld gave them our chemical warfare technology in the 1980's. Bad guys when we authorized their overflights to gas their own population, and then good guys, again, when Cheney did business with them. But, then bad guys when Bush junior needed a prop for his re-election campaign as the "war president".
  • It is okay that the Bush family's "Carlisle Group" has made millions doing business with the Bin Laden family.
  • Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which should include "banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet".
  • The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's illegal insider Harken Oil stock trade should be sealed in his Daddy's library, and is none of our business.
  • What Bill Clinton or John Kerry did in the 1960s was of vital national interest but Bush & Cheney's drug and alcohol felony arrests in the '80s are irrelevant.
  • Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a "spirit of international harmony".
  • Affirmative Action is wrong, but it is OK for your Daddy and his friends (here and in Saudi Arabia) to get you to graduate from Yale without studying much; to dodge the draft in the Texas Air National Guard; to bail out your company Harken Oil and the Texas Rangers; to get the Governorship of Texas and then to have the Supreme Court appoint you President of the USA.
  • You are a conservative, but it is OK to spend like there is no tomorrow and run up deficits that your grandchildren will have to pay, while at the same refunding as much tax money as possible to rich people who do not need it.

This illogical behavior can take a toll on a healthy mind. So if a friend of yours has been acting a bit dazed and confused lately, be nice: he or she may be a Republican!

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The Lovenstein Institute of Scranton Pennsylvania is a think tank employing high caliber historians, psychiatrists, sociologists, scientists in human behavior, and psychologists. Among their ranks are Dr. Werner R. Lovenstein, world-renowned sociologist, and Professor Patricia F. Dilliams, a world-respected psychiatrist.

Since 1973, the Lovenstein Institute has published its research to the education community on various topics including the famous Presidential IQ Report among others. Reports are distributed to subscribing member universities and organizations within the education community.

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"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden."
"It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him."
-- George W. Bush 9-13-2001

"I don't know where he (bin Laden) is. I have no idea and I really don't care.
It's not that important. It's not our priority."
-- George W. Bush 3-13-2002

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